Trust Betrayed

A team from Restoration Ministries traveled to Chicago a few weeks ago, invited to present a workshop at the national SNAP conference. SNAP is the Survivor’s Network of those Abused by Priests and Clergy. Our specific workshop was entitled, “Hope for Healing.” The vastness of the numbers of those affected by this kind of abuse was overwhelming. The tragedy of any kind of abuse is heartbreaking and fractures the lives of those affected, but the spiritual injuries that result from abuse by those in roles of spiritual authority and representatives of God add a dimension and deeper layers of despair. Many have walked away from God completely and I find that very understandable as well as grievous.


I am still sifting and sorting through my own inner responses and continually needing to resist categorizing and defining others in boxes of good or bad, evil or not evil, dark or light. I think when I do that the focus is on externals and takes away the necessary inner work that all are called to do, especially those in ministry and church leadership. Camps are set up, sides are drawn, hostilities and divisions escalate; fear pervades, truth is buried in denial and cover-ups happen.

An interview with Parker Palmer published in Leader to Leader Journal (Fall 2001) included the following in the dialogue:

As the great jazz saxophonist Charlie Parker said, "If it ain’t in your heart, it ain’t in your horn." We can hear the horns everywhere, but if they’re not being played from the heart, then certain negative consequences follow.


I know from experience inside corporations and large-scale organizations that everybody is sizing up the leader and asking, "Is this a divided person or a person of integrity? Is what we see what we get? Is he or she the same on the inside as on the outside?”


Students ask this about teachers in the classroom. Employees ask it about their bosses. Citizens ask it about their politicians. When the answer is, ‘No, what we see on the outside is not the same as who they are on the inside,’ then things start to fall apart.


I have just described an unsafe situation when leaders with the power to call the tune and shape the dance are perceived as lacking congruence or integrity, they create unsafe situations.”

Trust is a tenuous thing. We know betrayal of trust when those we thought we could trust betray that trust, whether parents, spouses, co-workers, supervisors, corporate heads, pastors and priests. The road to forgiveness and healing can be long; it requires courage and truth; grace, mercy and humility.

Again quoting Parker Palmer: “The best leaders work from a place of integrity in themselves, from their hearts. If they don’t they can’t inspire trustful relationships. In the absence of trust, organizations fall apart.” I don’t think this just happens, this inner work requires intention and attention – it is a way of being, cultivated by openness, willingness and honesty. I believe that resources within the therapeutic community and those in spiritual formation and direction ministries foster these intentions. I believe that all ministry leaders, pastors and priests need relationships in which they can be honest and open with their thoughts and emotions in order to grow in integrity and congruency in their own hearts and leadership. The need for organizations such as SNAP is clear. Intervention and prevention is critical.